O’Conall Street

Social media is about so many things. Near top of my list is the sharing of stories and experiences with a touch of satire.

A good friend of mine sent on the empirical analysis below. It have been doing the rounds on the emails and I thought it deserved a wider audience. Enjoy!

 Physicists Identify New Periodic Element

 Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.  Recent hurricanes and defense issues are proof of the existence of the new chemical element.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert;  however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete. 

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.  In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

It was Weber Shandwick Northern Ireland’s Christmas party on Friday night and we thought we would ask Romeo from the Magic Numbers for a few drinks in the PottHouse ahead of their gig on Saturday night.

‘Love Me Like You’ was the theme for the folk pop English band and we sure enjoyed the company of these musicians with a liking for Belfast. And that’s the thing about this city. It’s got an edge and there is a beat that is pretty unique in Europe these days.

The lads were great craic and Weber Shandwick’s Emma, Vicky and Stevo joined them at the gig on Saturday where they name checked what now must officially be the coolest PR agency in town. Now that’s the power of advocacy!

As for the gig the consensus is they rocked and the Mandela Hall which has seen U2,  Ash,  and Snow Patrol all play on their way up.

Belfast has been attracting A listers forever but in the past two or three years the quality and quantity has gone up. Later this week the Boss returns for the second year in a row and this time its rock and roll.

Off to plan next year’s blow out now. Was thinking of asking Stiff Little Fingers back for a reunion gig.  Rumor has it we’re quite good company here. 

PS. Our Chris is showing real potential on the electric guitar. Next year were going to plug it in for him.  

‘Famous in January, dead in December’. Una Mullaly’s words in today’s Sunday Tribune sum of what the late Katy French stood for - consumerism and celebrity in modern Ireland. The Irish papers are crammed with the life and loss of this 24 year old. There are thoughtful pieces which seek to portray her career as evidence of everything that is wrong about Ireland today, there are media tributes and there are endless pictures. And that’s what Katy was all about - pictures that sold products, pictures that sold newspapers and pictures that made people smile.

Do I think cocaine has become too cool? Do I think it has become an acceptable way for many who see it as their right to party without a hangover? and is it everywhere from the poshest clubs in our big cities to the ordinary pubs in pretty much every town on this island? You can bet your bottom dollar it is.

We have become rich fast and like the vast majority in receipt of a windfall, the island has splashed out for a decade. So what? After generations of poverty and conflict who would have begrudged Ireland, North and South a bit of a party. But there is partying and partying. Tucked away at the bottom of three pages on French in the Tribune is a piece by Ali Bracken. Tina Greaney gets a thumbnail picture as does Kevin Doyle, both dead from cocaine. Two others have died in the past fortnight from coke and in the North ketamine, a horse tranquiliser, has taken lives at 50p a pill.

 The Observer quotes Dr Chris Luke from Cork University Hospital as saying Ireland is entering a ten year cocaine epidemic. He predicts there will be dozens and dozens of deaths in the next ten years. A gram of cocaine in Dublin costs €40 (£29) making the Republic one of the cheapest places to buy the drug in the industrial world. Our island has become a major port of entry for drugs from South America via West Africa. They are cutting it with everything from washing powder to flour. There is also a trend of mixing it with crushed ecstasy tablets. But even in the biggest discount drug shop in Europe the rich want something a little special. Henry McDonald today suggests Katy had taken ‘pure cocaine’ the ‘premium brand’ supplied by dealers who feed the habits of Dublin’s ‘hedonistic’ socialites who mix in the same ‘glittering’ circles.

Life is a marathon and if you want to last the course you just have to slow down. The irony this Sunday morning is that I am now off to bring Maeve Hully from Marie Curie Cancer Care to do interviews about a motion in the Assembly tomorrow calling for the introduction here of the ‘delivering choice’ programme which could transform the final months and days of those suffering from a terminal illness. Today 75%  of those who die from a terminal illness are not able to do so in the place of their choice. The majority end up in hospital after multiple admissions and in an environment which is neither prepared not trained to support them and their families through this most difficult and special time. A life well lived can be celebrated. The sadness of loss after a long illness can be rationalised and the dignity of death for those who have battled to the end should be a right of every citizen. That right is about being able to choose where to die, at home, in a hospice or in hospital and knowing that whatever your choice, appropriate palliative and medical support will be available. I am sure the Assembly will support tomorrow’s motion. The tragedy of modern Ireland is that our legislators, North and South, also need to consider how they can communicate to the tens of thousands of casual drug users that if they don’t stop now they could be dead before they get a chance to live. As the used to say in the eighties, it’s time to CHOOSE LIFE.

It’s very sad news about Katy French. She was the epitome of 21st century Irish consumerism. An IT girl for a nation on the march, beautiful and friendly I have rarely heard a bad word said about her. We worked with her on a few occasions at Weber Shandwick and always found her professional and friendly.

The circumstances of her death are not fully known but in a month when Ireland has been gripped by revelations about the extent of cocaine taking amongst the middle classes and which has already seen the deaths of a number of young adults one cannot help wondering if there is a link.

Katy’s family have lost the most precious thing, a child. It is a national tragedy that so many parents on this island have a similar experience week in week out.

May they all rest in peace.    

Some tit obviously thought it was a good idea to get six young Irish girls waxed within an inch of their lives to pose for the latest Christmas PR initiative. Page 3 of today’s Belfast Telegraph (picture above) is dedicated to a story about ’six young enterprising Ulster models’ who thought they would cheers up our Christmas and raise awareness about depression.

Does it work? Well as a publicity stunt for the models yes and fair play to Leanne (Co Antrim), Joanne (Co Down), Katie (Co Derry), Leanne (Co Armagh), Laurena (Co Fermanagh) and Lynda from Tyrone. Laurena tells us she is already a Playboy model and the whole thing is available on their Bebo site. 

Depression, mental illness and teenage suicides are huge issues in Northern Ireland. The Assembly’s health committee is investigating suicide and the Programme for Government identifies mental health as a priority. I don’t dispute the girls’ best intentions and genuine desire to raise awareness of the issue but am afraid all this stunt will achieve is some profile for its posers.

Off to do some work now. Apparently I too work in PR!     

Seems like the hoteliers of County Antrim may get ready for the arrival of undoubtedly the world’s least appealing man, Donald Trump. My money is on Galgorm Manner outside Ballymena. Its a beautiful hotel and definitely capable of leaving Mr Trump impressed, that is if he appraciates fine food, beautiful surroundings and a genuine welcome. Jungle drums were beating hard about potential sites for the ‘Trump Links’ in North Antrim. Most of the monkeys are pointing towards a certain spot close to the magnificent Dunluce Castle. I don’t want to say anymore in case Seymour Sweeney snaps it up killing off any chance of the project seeing the light of day.

Meanwhile in Time Square, the first and deputy first ministers, opened the Nasdaq. Not bad and a great PR coup for Norman Houston his team at the Northern Ireland Bureau in DC. At last some imagery of our joint leaders with less of the chuckle brothers feel about it. And to really get the bible belt investment community’s juices running, the First Minister declared himself a businessman of God. I’m off to consult the good book for more on that one!

Back on the old sod it been budget day. Brian Cowan, the cerebral FF Finance Minister raised public borrowing by a whopping €5 billion to plug a serious hole in the national balance sheet. The give away election budget of a year ago seems like a foreign country now. Tighten your seat-belts boys and girls, its going to get bumpy.

I am a happy daddy today and for one big reason. Child abuse at eleven was dealt its final blow yesterday by The Minister for Education.

There in uncertainty about what should follow and the Minister could probably have handled the announcement better but the big step away from selection of children on a two hour test in their eleventh year has been taken and hurray to that.

I don’t want to rehearse the arguments against selection. They are well known and pretty compelling. What was noticeable from the vox pops on Radio Ulster today was that the intrepid journalists were finding it very difficult to get anyone to disagree fundamentally with the Minister. It suggests to me that public attitudes on this issue have shifted quite considerably in the past five years.

The next few months will be fascinating. Parents and children deserve clarity on what will follow. The devil on this issue lie in the detail  and with so much of the details still uncertain the debate is far from over. 

At a political level things hotted up a few degrees over breakfast. Sammy Wilson MLA, Chairperson of the Assembly’s Education Committee, described the teacher union leaders in Northern Ireland as poodles [of the Minister]! 

On another matter Donald Trump might be heading to North Antrim and Dr Paisley says he has just the site. I wonder will we be teeing off on the ‘Causeway links’ before the noughties are out???

My three year old princess Clara came home with a new nursery rhyme last week. Dad, do you know Humpty Dumpty?. But of course princess, all the kings horses and all the kings men…….. Wrong!

21st century girls prefer this version. Pretty cool eh!!!!

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

He didn’t get bruised, he didn’t get bumped

Humpty Dumpty bungee jumped!

This week saw the launch of Tourism Ireland’s 2008 Marketing Plans with media reports that the all island tourism marketing body is exploring ways of better being able to represent the the diversity of this island. It also marks the beginning of a conversation about how the island of Ireland brand can better reflect the true diversity of the cultures and peoples on this island.

I have an interest to declare. Weber Shandwick in Ireland works with Tourism Ireland. The island of Ireland brand and its iconic shamrock, was introduced in 1996. In Tourism Ireland’s own words:

“Tourism Brand Ireland is an initiative, started in 1996, to brand the island of Ireland as a holiday destination. It has evolved into a highly successful global branding strategy
managed by Tourism Ireland. Our brand is our reputation – an idea that resides in the
hearts and minds of our various audiences. This reputation is built on the knowledge that we are a destination that leaves its visitors enriched by many positive and rewarding experiences. It is important that we understand the various elements that comprise this brand to ensure that we align all our energy behind a single vision – creating greater recognition and strategic focus in a highly competitive global marketplace…”

Since then this small island on the edge of an island, on the edge of Europe has utterly changed. The South is unrecognisable as a more affluent and multicultural place, and the North is at peace after a generation of conflict and changing by the day. The time was undoubtedly right for a review of the brand. And if the brand (and this very special brand)  is to claim to represent the entire island it must evolve with the island,  its diversity and different cultural traditions.  Long gone are the days or Aran sweaters and fiddlers on the the TV in America calling Ireland’s children to the old sod. Whilst many of our 9 million visitors are here because of an ancestral link the big growth is amongst so called culture seekers and sightseers who are here to explore and spend.

Off the back of this week’s announcement, some including Pol O’Muiri on El Blogador have raised questions about Ulster Scots culture and others have sought to focus on whether Orange Parades could become a major tourist draw. These are important contributions to the wider debate about how our diverse peoples and the respective cultural and political heritages are able to express themselves in positive terms. It is great that we have finally reached a time when this conversation can take place without resort to prejudice or fear.

From a tourism marketing point of view its all about how this island, North and South is perceived abroad. For many years Northern Ireland did not evoke positive feelings amongst potential visitors. Not surprisingly the troubles undermined this region’s attractiveness as a destination. The amazing scenery, the welcoming people and diversity of cultures were never given the chance to compete on the world stage for tourist numbers. The fact that Tourism Ireland is now exploring ways of being able to bring these many positives to global attention is a reflection of the fact that people outside the island of Ireland now see Northern Ireland in a positive light and are interested in exploring it more.

I was very encouraged to see seniors figure’s from the Orange and Ulster Scots traditions joining with the leaders of the tourism industry at the marketing plans launch in Parliament Buildings on Thursday. The entire island of Ireland makes up approximately 0.008% of the earth. We get about 1% of its tourism so already its a place that punches above its weight. Making sure we punch a little bit harder is a huge challenge but one which anyone reading the marketing plan should feel we are well up for.

The conversation will continue at a cultural level about who we are and where we are going. The job of those who market us as a tourism destination is a little more straight forward, to stay ahead of the curve identifying new markets, developing new campaigns which say to people come explore Northern Ireland, its people and places.